Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Prompt 1
In Authoring Your Life, Baxter Magolda discussed the internal and external voices that influence us as we enter early adulthood and face the challenges of everyday life. Reflecting on the stories you read in the book and your own recent decisions and challenges, would you say you rely more on internal or external voices at this point in your life? Of course we would all like to think we have a highly developed internal voice, but as exemplified in the book, this is often not the case. Often we have not been challenged or taught to cultivate our own internal voice. Where do you believe you are in this development? Would important others agree? Be sure to use concrete personal examples to support your position.
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I would say that at this time in my life I listen to my internal voice as opposed to external voices. I feel that I have the ability to feel more comfortable with my listening to my internal voice because of my previous life experiences and personal development. I think the most influential time when I listened to my internal voice is when I decided to move to Florida for a job. I had just graduated college and my parents wanted me to stay near home and work, I on the other hand wanted to be adventurous and independent. When I was offered the position I decided to take it, even though my parents objected. Although it was difficult to stand up to my parents and break their heart, I knew I was making the right decision for myself. The decision to move to Florida took place over seven years ago, and I do not regret the decision that I made. I feel that my development in my internal voice is strong, but there are moments in life when the external voices still effect my decisions. As I have started to think about my upcoming job search I think about my parents push for me to come back to the Dallas area. Part of me would like to return to the Dallas area to be near family, but my internal voice is starting to whisper to me that I should go abroad. As of now I am trying to silence both voices and not worry about the future, at least for a couple of more months. I know that my parents would say that I have a strong internal voice and that I follow it. Although my parents were upset to my relocation in Florida, they later admitted that they were proud of how independent I was. I feel that the battle with internal and external voices will always be present, but if my past is any indication my internal voice will continue to grow and I will continue to rely on it.
ReplyDeleteBrandi
Whether or not I rely more on my internal or external voice is tough to answer at this point because I think it depends on the context. At work or in school, I am confident listening to my internal voice. I know that I have (or am developing) the competencies to succeed in what I’m doing A&M. Therefore, I trust myself to get the job done. However, when talking about the upcoming job search, I think I might be relying more on external voices. For example, it is really hard to hear my mom talk about how great it WILL (note the use of the word “will”) be to have me close to home next year. Her words have always had an impact on me, so I don’t know if I will be able to completely listen to my own voice as I job search. So, in regards to what voice I rely on more, I would say the context plays a great deal of influence at this current moment.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part, I would say my development is moving toward more reliance on my internal voice. Although there are times I let the external override the internal, I think those instances are becoming less frequent. I would say that given my age and experiences, this makes a great deal of sense to me. This is the first time in my life I have been far from home, so I expected to have some internal and external struggles throughout graduate school. As mentioned above, I trust myself to make the right decisions, but I still like to seek some outside opinions before I make certain choices.
If you ask my parents, they would say I only rely on my internal voice and ignore them much of the time. But, my close friends would disagree. My friends know more than most how much my external voices can conflict with my internal voices. The discrepancy between my friends and parents may result from how vulnerable I choose to make myself to those important to me. I wouldn’t want my family to know about every struggle I have had in Texas, but I know my friends are there to listen and support me because many of them are having the same issues in other locations. In time, I would like to move to a greater overall dependence on my internal voice, and I would like those around me to see that dependence as well.
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ReplyDeleteIt’s no secret that I like personality surveys. I like the extra insight they bring to groups, and I enjoy learning about documented patterns that explain my behavior. As such, I read this question from the lens of a “dove.” I can’t deny that my personality type is quite sensitive to external voices. I like to be the peacemaker, I’m sensitive, and I want to be remembered for my positive attitude. I choose to be agreeable and considerate whenever possible; I’ve seen the unfortunate consequences of a life lived to the contrary (and I want not part of it). In order to be at peace with myself, I have to consider the external voices in my life. My darling grandmother always says, “stay as sweet you are” and “don’t let anything change you.” Her voice has and will always be a powerful influence in my life. Interestingly, her reminders (which have become more frequent as she’s gotten older) have become part of my internal voice. She might be the reason I developed a dove-like personality to begin with.
ReplyDeleteIn contrast, I’m also an only child. I have always had a colorful imagination and the ability to pour myself entirely into an activity. When I set my mind on a particular task or idea, it’s usually difficult to change it. I made the decision to apply to graduate school, to attend A&M, and to leave a profession my external voices praised. However, my internal voice took hold of the ideas realizing that the external voices would accept my decision over time. Those who know me trust my decision-making.
After reading about the “challenges of adult life”, I feel fortunate to be in my circumstances. I believe that my internal voice is in control, but nonetheless influenced by external voices.
--Brooke
I’ve been struggling with my future career a lot lately. For the ones don’t know about it, I am planning to apply for another Master’s degree in another field, maybe like communication or public relations. I have always been independent on my decisions. Even when I was a small kid, I had plans about specific grades for final exams. However, these decisions are not motivated solely by internal voice. On the one hand, I wanted to be a good girl; on the other hand, “being a good girl” meant getting praise from families. Superficially, I am making all these decisions for myself; actually, I am behaving well to make my family, friends, and myself proud. Under most circumstances, these two voices have no conflict: I make efforts to do the “right” thing, and my family and friend supported me without hesitant. What about now? Part of me wants to do as much as I could do for student affairs in China just because I want to, but part of me thinks about another profession which would bring me higher reputation, salary, or maybe “achievements?” [Now you should relate my thoughts to the presentation Cruz and I did about Asian students (sorry about the generalization) valuing these in future career…] In China, we always compare “supporting student development” to “planting a little tree,” with care and challenge —the only different thing is that you only need several years for the tree, but maybe decades for a student. Am I ready for the commitment? That will be a choice no one can help me with, and I will figure it out.
ReplyDeleteAn important thing for me by reading the book: making friends with people from different backgrounds with different perspectives. When you are low, there should always be friends who will cheer you up instead of complain about life with you together. External voices should work as positive powers at this time. Example, last weekend I was complaining that studying for law helped me nothing at all, but one of the friends told me that “learning law is not all about preventing yourself from being sued; it teaches you another way of thinking and analyzing issues.” I took that piece of advice and I feel much better about law now… ☺
Xiaodan
Howdy everyone,
ReplyDeleteSome of you are aware that sometimes I struggle with making difficult decisions in a timely fashion. I am a person who really wants to weigh out my options and depending on the situation I seek advice from others. My ability to trust in my own self and the decisions I make is an ongoing process. Therefore, I would say I still rely on external voices to some extent; however, I have seen a gradual shift from when I started graduate school to now. For example, before coming to graduate school I most often ran things by my parents, everything from my weekend plans to what I was going to do after graduation. As a simple example, a year ago, if I had wanted to purchase a computer, I would have called my parents to get their reaction before making such a purchase. Now, I am considering buying a computer and while I have talked with my dad about the purchase, the conversations have been more about talking out my options and research versus seeking permission.
As some of my cohort members have mentioned, family influence is important and I would agree. There are certain people in my life that I will always go to for advice and confide in; however, I am getting to a point where the decision I make is my own. Taking the advice given by others will always help shape my decision, but ultimately the decision is mine. I think it becomes difficult in some instances when individuals do not believe you are ready to make those decisions, especially if those individuals are close to you. As I mentioned it is a work in progress, but recent experiences have taught me that everything works out as it should and regardless of the decision I make it will be the right one for me. I just have to trust that everything happens for a reason.
- Sarah W.
Liz,
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your response it is amazing to see how similar my past is to your current situation. I can completely relate to your struggle of listening to the external voices calling you home and your internal voice questioning the external voice. My advice to you is follw your gut, do what makes you happy. If you are near your family but not happy with the career choice you have made, your family will not be happy. I expect that you will struggle with the voices, as we all will, but don't fret too much. What I have learned over the years is that nothing is more important than individual happiness, and that the only thing that is final is death-so live each day to the fullest.
Howdy Liz,
ReplyDeleteYou stated, "Although there are times I let the external override the internal, I think those instances are becoming less frequent." I can relate to this statement and really enjoyed reading your post. I too find that the external factors are still present, but less frequent than in years past.
I enjoyed reading about your path toward internal dependence and I think you will continue to make the right decisions for yourself. I know the importance of family support and while sometimes it can be difficult, ultimately you must do what is best for you at that given moment. Thanks for sharing.
- Sarah W.
Throughout my time in undergrad I believe that I was solely driven by an external voice. I continuously sought to achieve what other’s expected of me and I placed high importance on other’s opinions of me. I didn’t begin to feel comfortable listening to myself until very late in my senior year. The first instance when I listened to my internal voice was when I decided to attend a master’s program and choosing Texas A&M. I was expected by others to go onto a masters program but I could have easily stayed in my comfort zone and attended a program closer to home. While many decisions I have made within the past year are driven internally, I would not consider myself to have a developed internal voice as I still place great importance on the external voices around me. I believe that this stems from a nature to please those around me and also a lack of confidence.
ReplyDeleteThere are instances that only just occurred within the past month that exemplify the fact that I am in between an internal and external voice. I am having some struggles within my assistantship and am seeking avenues to address it in order to fix them for my happiness and future success. My internal voice is directing me out of my comfort zone and my supervisor would agree. A current advisor though would say that my actions show that of external influence, placing an importance on others opinions and my ability to please them. As the job search is approaching, I see where the two are voices, internal and external, are conflicting. I am driven by external factors which include my family and close relationships as they are encouraging me to focus on location. Internally I value family and friends and want to base my search on location but I am also driven to search based on job description no matter the location. My mother would definitely attest to this struggle.
At this time, I am aware of my internal voice. I just need to exemplify the confidence to listen to it more. I often let my insecurities resort to listening to others and placing value on their opinions. As I am moving towards more independence and “growing up” I hope to focus more on the development of my internal voice.
- Andie
Currently, I would say that I listen more to my internal voice. However, there are times that I struggle with external formulas because I am a full-time student and a mother of a two-year-old son. From the reading, Genesse, Barb, and Ann’s story resonates with me as well. Before entering the program, I delayed my acceptance due to being pregnant and my son experiencing complications during birth. After a long year of follow-ups with all his physicians, he was finally diagnosed as healthy and free from any future concerns by his neurologist. As a result of this journey, I can relate to Genesse because of the struggle she faced with her daughter, Jennie. Still, I thank God for the opportunity to be in the program despite of the challenges I endured prior to entering the program. As Barb mentioned in the reading her struggle with balancing being a mother and career woman, I too struggle with the desire to be a great mother and student. This semester I am putting in 30 hours a week between my graduate assistantship and my practicum as well as being a full-time mother and completing coursework in the evenings. I struggle with juggling both worlds, but I discovered quickly that I had to find a suffice median in balancing both worlds. Consequently, I have not mastered completely having the best of both worlds. At times, I also struggle with being concerned with others perception of me because I am not married. However, I am not ashamed of having a child and being unwed. Nonetheless, I am faced with the biases of society by not being married. As a result, I found myself like Anne with a lost of confidence in my abilities. I have had to work tremendously to rebuild this confidence, and the journey of motherhood has helped in this process. As Anne, I am faced with making sacrifices financially in order to care for my son. In my situation, I am a full-time student as well as my son’s father. Thus, these are only small sacrifices when I look at the big picture of what I will be able to provide for my son in the future.
ReplyDeleteDespite having a two-year old son, I listened and trusted in my internal voice by making the decision to leave my full-time job and return to graduate school. Hence, I have developed relationships with mentors and influential professionals I have met before and during my time here at Texas A&M, as well as family and friends, to help me cultivate my internal voice as a graduate student. In addition, I am insuring to read and apply the material from the coursework of all my classes as well as challenging myself to read scholarly and completing scholarly research outside of my required coursework. I believe this has been the hardest part in my self-authoring journey because I have had a lack of confidence and insecurities about my abilities at times. Ultimately, I want to reach the self-transformation of being a successful graduate from the SAAHE Program and successful student affairs professional. I do not want to be a bare minimal student at the end of this program. Therefore, I trust in my internal voice and pose a challenge to myself to be an exceptional student.
If you ask my family and most of my friends, they would agree that I listen to my internal voice more so than the external voices. Though, if you ask my partner and a few of my closes friends, they would tell you that I do listen to my internal voice more, but I struggle with external voices at times. Thus, they have privately seen me being affected by external formulas. I have always been seen as a strong willed person by my family and friends. There are very few times that they see me at my weakest moments. I am very private about some aspects of my life, and I try not to ever be seen vulnerable in front of others. However, I realize that I am human, and realistically, there are many more lessons to learn along my journey as a graduate student.
-Shonda...
Howdy Xiaodan,
ReplyDeleteI think that a part of all us wants to bring pride to our families. Essentially we combine what makes our families proud of us and what makes us proud of ourselves. That is so exciting that you are continuing your education with another Master’s degree. If pursuing an additional degree will fulfill both of those needs between you and family, then that is wonderful. By American standards, I would say, “make sure you do what makes you happy most of all.” However, I can respect your conflict and your rationale between the option of pursuing student affairs or another profession. Sometimes I wonder if my ultimate career choice will be in student affairs after all. I think that you are very aware of both your internal and external voices and how they have and will affect your decisions. I agree that friends are great resources for external voices and as much as I need friends to be positive, I almost need them to complain along with me so that I feel like I am not the only one struggling.
-Andie
Howdy Andie,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I am astound by the similarities we had as undergraduates in regards to "listening to external voices" and placing "importance on other's opinion." In reading further about your current assistantship, I also found myself in a situation with my previous graduate assistantship where I was, as you stated,"having some struggles within my assistantship and am seeking avenues to address it in order to fix them for my happiness and future success. Unfortunetely, I cannot go back in time to redo any part of my assistantship. However, for me, I feel the knowledge that I gained from that experience has been priceless. As a result, I am more proactive in communicating effectively with my supervisor as well as continously asking for constructive criticism and professional development. I can also relate to you when you talked about "lack of confidence and insecurities in my abilities at times." I too have struggled with a lack of confidence and insecurities, and I strive daily to improving my confidence and restore my faith of in my abilities. You will soon find consistency in trusting your internal voice, and I believe admitting the areas you feel you need to work on is the first step. It definately was the first step for me. Thank you for sharing. Have a great weekend.
-Shonda...
Hey, Brandi,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you could keep listening to your internal voice. Looking back at these decisions, you are still proud of them. This made me think that sometimes we just need to climb over a little hill before seeing fresh views at the other side. We could be nervous or struggling, but as long as we get there, we are fine. For people like me, who cannot fully rely on internal voice, a little exteral push/support would help me make a decision at these times. Enjoy your weekend at Disney World (which is definitely an internal decision! How I admire you!)
Xiaodan
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post. I think it is amazing to look back on the difference a year has made. Your example is very similar to my own relationship with my parents, but my conversations with them typically hinge around buying a new car and taking a trip after graduation. I also really appreciated how you pointed out that "Taking the advice given by others will always help shape my decision, but ultimately the decision is mine." I think that is important to remember because as we know from all of our development theory, you act on those around you as much as they act on you. Developing an internal voice doesn't mean ignoring all things external, but rather finding a trust in yourself to make choices. I hope your development continues along as you have outlined, and yes; everything truly does happen for a reason.
Liz
I am not going to claim I have a highly developed internal voice, but I will say that I have learned to pay more attention to my internal voice then to external voices. When I was an undergraduate, I relied solely on external voices. For example, I started college as a pre-pharmacy major because my mom thought I should be a pharmacist because I’d make a lot of money but have flexible hours. Then, I cared so much about what other people thought of me that I let one of my friends tell me how to dress (he picked out all my clothes. One time I wanted to buy a pair of red shoes because I loved them, but he said no so I didn’t buy them. I digress.), what to think, and what to do most of the time. At that point in my life, I couldn’t make a single decision for myself without running it by my friend first. Then, after graduation, I took a job as a co-manager at Victoria’s Secret. Since I had worked there for five years, I thought that I would be a great manager and that my coworkers would be just as wonderful. Unfortunately, a new team of managers was hired along with me, and I did not fit in. The other two managers told me my clothes were wrong, my hair was wrong, my makeup was wrong, and my body was wrong. I didn’t have any sense of my internal voice, and so I tried to change myself to be what a “Victoria’s Secret manager should be.” It didn’t take long (3 months) for me to realize that my whole life I had cared about what other people thought, but never about what I thought. I realized that I didn’t need to change who I was or what I believed in for anybody else. I started sticking up for myself and voicing my own opinions. Needless to say, I lost my best friend because I no longer let him tell me what to do and I almost lost my job because I was “insubordinate.”
ReplyDeleteAll this to say, I have become more and more aware of my internal voice over the past few years, and even more so recently. Having Audrey has made me realize that, while I can’t be everything to everybody (God knows I try to be), I need to do what is right for me and my family. My priorities have totally shifted from work to family. While I still have dreams of taking over the universe (or being a VPSA, whichever comes first), I now have the mindset that I’ll do what is right for me when the time comes. Instead of letting anyone telling me what I need to do or be, I now do what I need to do and am who I need to be. An example of where I am currently at would be my approach to graduate school this year. Last year I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a “perfect” student because I thought that I needed to be. This year, I will not run myself ragged because I think I need to to be a good student. Instead, I am more in tuned with what I need, such as time with my family and time to rest.
I still am affected my external voices. However, at least now I can identify the difference between what my internal voice is saying versus what the external voices are saying. The challenge lies in my ability to stay true to myself.
Right now, I believe that my family would say that I listen to my internal voice more than I do to external voices. But, I think that my friends are more aware of the external voices I struggle with. I value my internal voice more, but am still affected my external voices so hopefully I will be able to continue developing my internal voice so that I am not so affected by external voices.
When I think about decision making process for facing challenges, I would say that I most of the very important decisions in my life are dependent upon internal voices. As I have become older and more confused about my life and what I am trying to accomplish, then external voices have had more opportunities to influence the decisions I have made. Examples of this include my decision to come attend TAMU and my decision to stay at TAMU for a graduate degree. When I applied to TAMU as an undergraduate, family, friends and teachers all tried to convince me that I needed back-up plans and should consider going to a school closer to home (Houston). Although I let those influences make me nervous, I held out on accepting admission to Baylor or UT because I just had a gut feeling that 1.) I would get into TAMU and 2.) TAMU was the school I needed to attend. There were also financial factors and failing health of my father that I had to consider when I made that decision. Almost the exact set of circumstances apply when I reflect upon my decision to apply for graduate school at TAMU. By this point, my father had passed away and my mom was really pushing me to come back home. With graduate school, I had the circumstances of dealing with guilt, financial issues, and the uncertainty that this program would even be something I would like. Once again, I decided to go with my gut decision.
ReplyDeleteFor choices that will affect the rest of my life, I rely on my faith in God and what I believe He wants for my life. Decisions that would not greatly impact my life in 5 years or even 5 months down the road, I will take the time to consider external factors in a greater degree. I don’t feel I struggle with making decisions. My struggle is more with standing by those decisions. I am often complimented on how confident and strong-willed I am. I see myself as those things, but then again I don’t. I often feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water and the amount and types of decisions I make on a daily basis gets tiring. Listening to my internal voice get more faint with the amount of work and pressures I have professionally and personally. I am still learning how to make those important decisions, stick with them, and have follow through. I also think I need to learn to better handle external voices- to not see them as personal attacks but genuine concerns people may have. In my development, I would like to learn to decipher between good/bad external voices and weighing those with internal voices to make better decisions.
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteFrom the confidence you display inside and outside of the classroom, I would have never guessed that you struggled with letting external voices influence your decisions. I'm glad that you shared that, and I can definitely see you don't let others control your way of thinking. I can also relate about the misconceptions about being a "good" graduate student. Soon, we'll have this whole grad school thing figured out (right as we're headed out of the door). Finding the right balance of evaluating situations and being assertive about what we know is right seems to be key. I'm very glad that you shared these stories about yourself.
-Tamara
I would say relying on both my internal and external voices, in most cases, happens together and in a particular order. I tend to first listen to my internal voice but consult external voices once I have come to my first conclusion. It is only once I’ve considered others’ opinions that I usually go back to my internal voice to make a decision. I don’t believe that external voices should be excluded, but should be considered from all angles. After all, while the core of my internal voice remains consistent, it also transforms with my experiences and the interactions I have with others. So although, at this point in my life, my inner voice is the deciding factor it is usually not without the consideration of external voices.
ReplyDeleteWhen I thought about moving to Texas for a grad program, I received a lot of questions and skepticism from my friends and my dad. They asked me why would I want to go to a state full of “racist, ignorant country folk” (yes, sadly this is the perception some people have of people who live in this region). I seriously considered the things they said and questioned if I could handle “ignorance.” Even now I get a little angry at myself for even considering a blanket statement that people in Texas are ignorant when ignorance knows no boundaries, characteristics or languages.
After I heard what people close to me had to say, I thought about what I had to say. I considered that sure, I might run into racist, ignorant people whose accents I may not understand at first but that is nothing new; I can get that walking in my own home neighborhood. I thought about all the opportunity for exploration I could have if I moved to a different part of the country and how it could add to my goal to become more well rounded. It was necessary for me to consider others’ opinions and statement as it made my decision even stronger in that I came to my own conclusion that not everyone in Texas would align with ignorance just like not everyone in New York is free of it (certainly not!). I listened to my internal voice while considering external voices therein empowering my own voice even more.
-Aisha
Hey there Andie,
ReplyDeleteI want to focus in on what you said about comfort zone and how you could have easily stayed within it when applying to graduate programs. It's commendable that you decided to step outside of the environment in which you find ease because in my opinion with ease comes little growth. I am a big fan of Oliver Wendell Holmes' quote, "A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." I think that it is so pertinent to continue to seek new experiences in order to transform and make yourself better and when external voices stifle you from accomplishing that, it's always unfortunate. So, I appreciate you for speaking with your inner voice and making the decision to come here, because it is very nice to know you! =)
I think right now in my life I still am listening more to external voices. While I would like to say that I'm listening to internal ones, I think I am starting to develop those and still rely predominantly on external influences. However, I realize that this is the case and am working towards relying more on my own internal voice as I progress over the next few years (and throughout life).
ReplyDeleteI think others would agree that I rely on external voices still as is evidenced by my actions. For example, I still talk to my family quite frequently, and I value their input and opinions. When making decisions (from buying a new phone to choosing a practicum experience), I often like to bounce my ideas off of them first, and while I might have an inclination to decide something myself, I tend to rely heavily on their feedback as well when making a final decision.
I'm also realizing that I tend to be indifferent about a lot of things and am more inclined to "go with the flow" rather than "rock the boat" whether that regards little things or big things. As I progress in my development, my goal is to work harder at listening to what I want and feel, and cultivating that inner voice rather than bending to what others deem appropriate. While harmony is one of my top strengths, I think it can hinder me at times to avoid conflict and thus avoid expressing my opinion completely. I hope that I can learn when to use this strength to my advantage and when to listen to my internal voice and "override" my initial feelings to compromise.
-sarahj
Xiaodan-
ReplyDeleteI think you made an excellent point about thinking you're in charge when you're actually making decisions to please others. Often, we think we're in control when outside forces often have more influence than we're aware of.
I also thought you were very insightful about describing the types of external voices that we should surround ourselves with at this time. While I love having someone to commiserate with, I agree that it is important to surround yourself with external voices that will lead you in the right direction and help you to cultivate your own voice. We often don't think about the company we keep and whether they are influencing us for the better or not. So thanks for the reminder to keep those external voices in check and at least surround myself with good ones while I'm working on listening to my internal voice!
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ReplyDelete‘Pain’ within the Crossroad phase would best describe the recent state of my journey towards self-authorship. I am definitely 'off the bike' and taking an in-depth observation of where I am, where I want to go, and how I plan to get there. Last semester, external voices started to overwhelm me, causing anxiety and stress. Much like Barb in the reading, I created a situation of 'main misery' within my professional and academic careers by caring too much about what others thought of me and second guessing various decisions I made. Within the GHD position, even though I believed I was giving my best, constructive feedback from my superiors outweighed this perception and resulted in a loss of self-confidence. In comparison, my church community challenged me to work harder at living in holiness and obtaining boldness in my faith. While I felt I had successfully overcome my spiritual struggles, I constantly revised my lifestyle without questioning sermons or bible study lessons. In both situations, I allowed authority to steer in the front seat, while taking the back seat of my life journey.
ReplyDeleteBeing away from the Texas A&M University (TAMU) environment this past summer, I seized the opportunity to listen to my internal voice. During this period, I found good partners who guided me towards discovering and trusting my internal voice. The North Park University's staff assisted with my spiritual and professional struggles through reflective discussions. In addition, upon gaining full awareness of my "pain" situation, my boyfriend stood by my side as I initialized plans to resolve my situation. I believe all parties would agree I arrived in Chicago at a crossroad, but progressed towards 'getting back on the bike' and continuing on the journey towards self-authorship upon return to TAMU.
Currently, 'pain' has subsided, resulting in an evolution of self-trusting the internal voice through my work as a returning GHD and SBSLC advisor. Each week, I observe an increase confidence in my skills as a student affairs practitioner. Nevertheless, my personal (or spiritual) life has yield minor yet positive progress towards building an internal foundation. Achieving the goal of identifying strategies to integrate my faith within my personal and professional life, this past summer has produced ideal reactions to daily struggles. I have not attain a 'bold' faith identity as I personally desire, but I am confidence my lifestyle is my best attempt at modeling a follower of Christ. Partners that know my current situation well have confirmed similar observations.
In summary, early adulthood after my undergraduate studies has presented many challenges. In regards to relying on the internal or external voice, it differs depending on the particular area of my life. Today, I would agree I utilize my external voice within academic matters and within the preparation of job searching. Yet, in other aspects of my life such as faith, I challenged the external voice and focused on developing my internal voice. Therefore, I believe I find myself in a transformative point between the two. Within Baxter Magolda's stages, I primary resonated to "trusting the internal voice" within my professional life and minor efforts towards "building an internal foundation" within my personal (or spiritual) life. Yet, I appreciate those partners who support and encourage its development.
~S.L. Myricks
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ReplyDeleteMonShonda,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your openness of your post. As a young woman who desires a husband, children and successful career, it is helpful to read your reflection and gain insight from your personal experience of what a challenge the situation presents.
We also share periods of lack of confidence about our abilities. It is also helpful to know that you have these concerns, as it appears you invisibly tackle these issues personally and professionally. Lastly, I can only hope (and pray) that I am able to support my partner during his academic pursuits. My biggest fear (related to the conversation above on confidence of my abilities) is not being able to properly support him through law school. Your post encourages me to remember that these periods of life are temporary sacrifices on the journey of many yet to come.
As you know, much of the insight you share I plan to take with me as a travel along my journey. Thank you for being a 'good partner', even if only indirectly.
~S.L. Myricks
Liz,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your post in regards to the upcoming job search. As we both are from the Midwest, it is hard to discount the external voices of those love ones that desire us close to home. Similarly my mother shared a confession of disappointment of my attending a university in Texas. The words of a mother are very impactful, even in a time when the decision to create our journey has been vocally declared our own. It is nice to know another person in the cohort is listening to his or her mom. :)
~S.L. Myricks
Hey Aisha,
ReplyDeleteI like how you phrased the following: "I listened to my internal voice while considering external voices therein empowering my own voice even more." I tried to express the same idea, but I like the way you worded it. To some degree, we probably all function this way. It's like we're on the internal-voice/external-voice spectrum, all dotted along at different points. I think it would be hard to be at either end of that spectrum -- and I think Chickering and Reisser would agree. 'Moving through autonomy toward interdependence' seems like a good example of balancing internal and external voices.
I'm really glad you listened to your internal voice and came to Texas!
At this moment of my life, I have been focusing on my internal voice. I have always been very independent, and midway through college I became aware of and consistently confident in my internal voice. I followed a path of conscious development and growth by pursuing extracurriculars and a passion for academics. I followed what seemed right to me, even when I reevaluated my major or began to question my path, it was because I opened myself up to and explored other interests, increasing my abilities to listening to my internal voice; I did not ask for or seek approval from family or friends. When I did talk to loved ones about my path and major decisions, such as my decision to go to graduate school away from California, I was simply sharing my plans. I presented the information with excitement and confidence. Although I could see the sadness in my mother's eyes at the news I would be leaving, I knew she was proud, and she and my father were very supportive.
ReplyDeleteI have been so blessed with "good company" throughout my life. My family, and mentors in college, have been encouragers and always willing to listen to my ideas. They helped me sort through different thoughts about my career path, which was one of my constant struggles. So, although I had a strong sense of internal voice and trusted my ability to make a good decision, I still did not know who I was and who I wanted to be upon graduating college; I still am not quite certain. However, I knew that I needed to experience something out of my comfort zone, to get away from the life I knew, because I was certain that it would be the next step in finding out who I was.
This has proven to be true, I have no doubt that my decision to go to Texas A&M University was the best thing I could have done. It has not been easy by any means, but I know myself better and am constantly learning more about life and what I want out of it. I am content with not knowing where I will be 8 months from now. I have ideas, I have options, and even tentative plans after graduation; but nothing is settled and I am excited to go through the next several months of this journey.
I have soaked up a lot of information and life stories shared by grandparents, parents, friends, and mentors; with these stories I have always learned something new. But all of them have consistently revealed that life can be controlled and simple by the way we react to the challenges and pain, by what we CHOOSE to learn and how we allow ourselves to grow and develop.
I don't have everything figured out, and I am fine with that as long as I continue to try and make the effort. A quote I have heard recently comes to mind, "It is not about the destination, it is about the journey in getting there," or something to that effect. I enjoy the process of figuring myself out, of listening to my inner voice, being introspective; at the same time listening to people who have my best interest at heart and taking into consideration what their insights are and ultimately coming to my own conclusion. What leads me to knowing that I have made my own conclusion? Usually, it is through asking myself whether or not I will feel ownership over the decisions that led me to where I will be as a result of making a decision. That may be a challenge at times, truly looking at myself and deciding whether I honestly did what I thought was the best for me. As of now, I have that confidence, which tells me that, so far, I have done a pretty good job at finding my inner voice and getting closer to owning it, living it in everyday life, and being a self-author!
-Holly Tripp
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ReplyDeleteAndie,
ReplyDeleteYou sparked some thought in me when you discussed how your recent decisions have been driven internally, and yet you don't consider your internal voice to have developed. It made a lot of sense, and although I was confident in my post about my internal voice and its development, I believe it is still a work in progress. I am glad you are aware of your internal voice, and that you are reflecting and working on it; at the same time, I agree that it is important to consider external voices and ultimately coming to your own conclusion. In my interactions with you, you are a very intelligent woman and I know you will find more confidence in that voice!
I am currently at a state where I am very in tune with both my internal and external voices. I take my internal voices as feeling for my external ones. What I mean by this is that I take my external voices whether by mentors, supervisors, family and friends and evaluate my self and use my internal voices to guide them. It was different when I was an undergrad though.
ReplyDeleteIn my undergraduate experience I was very much finding myself and understanding who I really was. There were many factors that contributed to my uncertainty from identity issues (in figuring out who I was as a person) and also in trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life (profession). These were the major factors that contributed to relying on my external voices. I feel at the time these were the voices that I could hear clearly in realizing some of the goals I should have. My external voices when it came to family were also very much apparent, especially because I went to school close to home. As most of you mentioned family is important in my life so these external voices will always be there. But as time passes I feel that these external voices have been slowly decreasing.
Now both voices coexist. I understand some of my professional goals and personal goals and depending on the context, one voice will exceed the other. Sometimes we are put in situations whether good or bad, where one voice is the only one you can hear. In this scenario you hope for the best. I am happy to say that I am able to listen to both of my voices, especially now when soon I will face a transition in my life from graduate school to full-time professional in the field of student affairs.
-Cruz
Howdy Andie!
ReplyDeleteI very much appreciate your post. I also identify with you when you talk about your experiences as an undergrad. I constantly sought to please others and took what people would say to heart. I would encourage you to use your external voice and embrace your internal voice to help guide you in the near future. : )
-Cruz
Cruz,
ReplyDeleteIt seems as though many of us end up listening to external voices when we are trying to find and understand ourselves. I think you made a good point about how sometimes you can only hear one voice, and other times you can hear them both. It's important that we are aware of the difference so that we make the best choices that we can in life!
Melissa